Product Managers don’t have Power.

Power is something we all instinctively understand.

People with power can make people without power do what they want.

Power simplifies prioritization and focus:

Question: What is the most important thing to do?

Answer: Whatever the person with power says.

Companies used to rely heavily on this dynamic to get workers to perform.

Henry Ford and other titans of industry would pay well, and even provide housing, and they made it very very clear that if you ran afoul of the company in any way, you would be unemployed and homeless.

And these were the friendly bosses…

During the throws of the industrial revolution, workers were often treated as little more than slaves.

They had no mobility and very few employment options, and the employers exploited this to extract production, often in dangerous and inhumane conditions.

<sigh>

Those were the good old days.

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Why did workers do what you told them? Because their lives depended on it.

“Because I said so.” was all the justification you needed, if you were the boss.

Nowadays that doesn’t even work on my kids…

Today, Product Managers are handed a difficult task: Manage a team of people without any direct authority.

… Also, those people will be members of different teams, with different priorities.

… Also, there will be other Product Managers competing for the same resources.

“Because I said so.” will most likely result in being hauled into a conversation with HR (Side note: HR does, in fact, have the power to ruin your life).

So how do you get work done?

Relationships.

Relationships are the conduit for communication and the currency or productivity.

When you have a relationship with someone, they like you, they trust you, and they will do what they can to help you because they know you would do the same for them.

So, how do you build relationships at work? How do you keep them?

I’m so glad you asked.

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I’m not big on self-help books or motivational speakers, but every once in a while some nugget of wisdom manages to catch me off guard and slip past my defenses.

When it comes to relationships, that gem was this: “Quantity time is quality time.”

Originally, this advice was talking about spending time with your kids. You can’t make quality time happen, and you can’t force moments to be memorable and precious, so you must invest your time into the relationship. This shows that you care and also ensures that you will be there when the formative moments happen.

Of course, the dynamic between coworkers does not (and should not) exactly mirror the parent/child relationship, but the basic principle is there: if you want to have a relationship with someone, you have to start with carving out some time to invest in that relationship.

My favorite tool for this is my calendar: I schedule recurring one-on-one meetings with people that are valuable to have relationships with.

I try to set aside two or three hours each week for one-on-one meetings. This usually means that I have a rotation of around a dozen people that I meet with on a bi-weekly or monthly basis.

I meet with peers in different teams, leaders in my own team, partners in supporting teams (Finance, Marketing, IT), stakeholders in customer teams (sales, business development, etc.), and mentors.

I am careful to respect their time, so I will keep meetings relatively short (15-30 minutes), and generally hold them once every-other week or monthly.

In order to show that I respect the person’s time, I prepare for the meeting by gathering questions and collecting data to share. I also try to start the meeting with friendly personal conversation topics to build friendship and humanize each other. I want this to be relational, not transactional.

My goal is to make the meeting valuable to the other person. I gain some value from the meetings directly, but this is not my main objective.

I am playing the long game: we meet regularly, talk about our lives, and share valuable information. By definition this is starting to look like a healthy relationship.

There is an element of your personality that may either be an asset or a hurdle in this process: You have to care about the person, not just what they can give you, and you have to be sincere.

If you approach this like you’re catching Pokemon, hunting for valuable pets to use to fight your battles (seriously, Pokemon is pretty dark), it will backfire. People can tell when you are trying to use them, and even if you get away with it a few times, you will destroy your reputation.

Really it’s simple: Identify the relationships you need, invest time, and be sincere.

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Okay you have relationships, now what? How do you keep relationships?

To help answer this, I have another bit of wisdom from one of my favorite sources: me.

In high school I had a girlfriend that kept breaking up with me.

Things would be going fine for two to six months, then she would tell me she had some doubt in our relationship, then say she “needed time alone to think” and inevitably the conclusion of her meditation was that we needed to break up.

We were kids, and I don’t hold it against her, but at the time it hurt.

Since it happened over and over, I began to develop a strong aversion to the “I just need time to think” response to conflict.

In my later relationships and in my marriage, I had this instinct. The relationship belonged to both of us, so we needed to work together to resolve our conflicts, not alone.

So, my bit of wisdom, my life advice for dating, marriage, friends, and work relationships?

Keep talking to each other.

Really, you just keep doing what you did at the beginning: Invest time, share valuable information, offer help when needed, and ask for help when you need it. If conflict arises, don’t withdraw, lean in. Work to address the conflict and save the relationship.

I can tell you from experience: Nothing shows sincerity and strengthens a relationship like working through conflict.

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Product Managers have a difficult job, and they are expected to do it without any actual power or authority.

You can try to bully your way through this challenge, but ultimately people will call your bluff and you will lose the ability to accomplish anything.

Instead, invest in relationships. Care about people and treat them with respect.

Be generous with your time and open with your information and strategies.

In the end you still won’t have any power, but you will be surrounded by people that want you to succeed and will do what they can to help you.

… and that’s probably better…